Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
