If that was your dad, he is hot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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