Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
