Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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