my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
