I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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