Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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