If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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