please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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