Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
