I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
