Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
