This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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