Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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