She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize