dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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