Can i not drive my cunt home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
