miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
