When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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