So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
