??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
