Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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