What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need to sanitize my soul.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
