Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
