I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
