I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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