I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
