i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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