I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
