I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i've created a new STD.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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