two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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