Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
