i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
