1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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