grandma shit on top of the toilet
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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