Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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