Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
