ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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