Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
