omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
