Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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