we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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