actually, I'm a sock model
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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