We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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