Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6816) Bad night (816)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

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  (612): I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles http://tfl.nu/ysmu
  Replies (19) Good night (1430) Bad night (5131)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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  (773): I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs. http://tfl.nu/fbpk
  Replies (17) Good night (869) Bad night (3521)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Princesses don't give blow jobs

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  (616): Princesses don't give blow jobs http://tfl.nu/euq0
  Replies (69) Good night (2470) Bad night (5252)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3415) Bad night (15620)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

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  (403): You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her" http://tfl.nu/oma3
  Replies (16) Good night (5032) Bad night (977)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

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  (320): Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year. http://tfl.nu/8zt2
  Replies (10) Good night (1229) Bad night (4167)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

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  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2661) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.

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  (586): We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds. http://tfl.nu/hj47
  Replies (9) Good night (1930) Bad night (1305)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee

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  (315): i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee http://tfl.nu/vhng
  Replies (8) Good night (2058) Bad night (668)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's not technology. Doesn't count.

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  (702): The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves (806): That's not technology. Doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/x0wz
  Replies (3) Good night (1763) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance

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  (773): Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance http://tfl.nu/swas
  Replies (3) Good night (1064) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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  (715): Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup http://tfl.nu/az6p
  Replies (3) Good night (1683) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN

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  (615): DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN http://tfl.nu/6g6b
  Replies (1) Good night (718) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.

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  (608): You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/8hk6
  Replies (0) Good night (320) Bad night (128)

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