he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.