Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
