Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?

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  (617): I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila? http://tfl.nu/4qsv
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (454)
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  (914): View more from New York

  so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok

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  (914): so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok http://tfl.nu/x8pl
  Replies (17) Good night (4439) Bad night (651)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.

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  (313): We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights. http://tfl.nu/0a84
  Replies (29) Good night (4961) Bad night (737)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know

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  (513): im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know http://tfl.nu/k4xw
  Replies (11) Good night (3699) Bad night (1724)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

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  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (6053) Bad night (1523)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.

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  (919): The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out. http://tfl.nu/a3dj
  Replies (13) Good night (987) Bad night (3031)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on

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  (903): I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on http://tfl.nu/lvsd
  Replies (7) Good night (2768) Bad night (739)
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  (212): View more from New York

  at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver

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  (212): at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver http://tfl.nu/1ssj
  Replies (10) Good night (2184) Bad night (1183)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.

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  (678): We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward. http://tfl.nu/10ml
  Replies (3) Good night (893) Bad night (2287)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.

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  (402): Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low. http://tfl.nu/bkkz
  Replies (9) Good night (1408) Bad night (1693)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.

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  (775): That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn. http://tfl.nu/5r2c
  Replies (7) Good night (2662) Bad night (564)
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  (949): View more from California

  I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem

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  (949): I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem http://tfl.nu/xr6o
  Replies (4) Good night (1025) Bad night (593)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.

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  (312): I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM. http://tfl.nu/w4qm
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (420)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?

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  (845): I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here? http://tfl.nu/28so
  Replies (7) Good night (307) Bad night (679)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.

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  (989): Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad. http://tfl.nu/i278
  Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (216)

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