Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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