I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching