I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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