i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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