she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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