so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
