I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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