If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
