His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
