I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
