he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize