This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
