I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
