i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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