Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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