the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
