It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
