If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
