if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
