im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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