i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
