Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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