You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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