I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
