Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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