Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
